I want to tell you this story without having to confess anything

from The Torn Up Road by Richard Siken

This week marks six months since I became a published author. And it feels like I have spent those months in a gradual unpeeling; shedding the layers of what I thought I wanted, what success would look like, what being an author would look like.

In the lead-up to the release of Lakesedge, I put so much pressure on myself. Each criticism of the book felt like a criticism of me. I pushed myself to achieve an impossible level of success. When I invariably failed to reach that standard, I couldn’t stop wondering: was this my only chance?

I hate it so, so much— the myth of the debut, that authors have a singular moment to “break out” and become a superstar. Because that’s what it is; a myth.

My debut has my whole heart. It is the first child of my books; the book that made me an author. But I want— and hope— to have a career filled with many stories. I’m picturing it like a staircase; each book laid down as I move forward, forward, forward.

A career is not one book. It’s the second, the third, the fourth. It’s a reader, picking up your work ten years in the future and still falling in love with your words.

The girl I was in high school, with her notebook filled with stories, and a desire for her creativity to be noticed, would be overwhelmed with happiness to know she landed here — as a published author. Over the past months I’ve been trying my hardest to return to that spark; what drove me to become a writer, what type of work I want to produce.

And so, the unpeeling. Cutting away the things which no longer serve me (like my twitter account, and trying to fit in with author cliques). Re-reading the books that lit fire in my heart and made me desperate to create stories of my own. Giving time to meaningful friendships. Focusing on gratitude for the readers who love my work, rather than giving energy to those who don’t.

And creating this newsletter. I wanted a space to write my thoughts; somewhere more candid and permanent than a caption on an instagram post. A place to connect, where I could be more honest, or messy, or whatever.

I’m still wildly apprehensive over the reception Forestfall will receive. I’m still waiting with a held-breath nervousness over what the future of my career will look like. But the emotions around myself and my work feel a little softer— at least, in this current moment.

Some updates…

I will be appearing at the Brisbane Writers Festival in May - I hope to see you there if you’re able to attend~

Forestfall is now available to request on both edel+ and netgalley (there is also a free chapter sampler available!)

The UK and US covers of Forestfall have both been revealed

I created a short film— the first in a planned series about my writing process

The paperback of Lakesedge is available for preorder, releasing September 27th